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Rambling on a Thursday. |

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Rambling on a Thursday.

Here I am again!

I got a little behind on the blog - seems like life's river was moving too fast and I just got swept up in the current. Thankfully I didn't drown, but there was some flailing about. But I am back.

The way I post is being slightly changed - I realize I only have time to just spit out thoughts, quick, real, honest, and unkempt. Are you ready?

I have been sicker than a dog for two months. Sick with a cold, sinus infection, chest crap, and probably most annoying, nausea.

Found out in February that I am pregnant.

Thankfully only one baby.

That one baby is reeking havoc on my tummy.

Joshua has been transplanted. February 22 he received new lungs.

Joshua is still in Stanford, healing the best he can.

Yesterday we learned that Johua's "draining" is exceeding the normal level and now surgeons are talking about a second MAJOR surgery to go in and see why so much drainage, and more importantly - to stop the draining.

I am scared. But I have faith. But I am scared. But I have faith.

Because our household has been so sick literally since Joshua's surgery, we have been banned from the hospital. CAN ANYONE EVEN SLIGHTLY IMAGINE HOW IT FEELS TO BE ISOLATED FROM JOSHUA DURING THE MOST DIFFICULT SITUATION HE HAS EVER FACED IN HIS LIFE? CAN ANYONE EVEN REMOTELY UNDERSTAND HOW INCREDIBLY INSANE KIM IS WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO BE BY JOSHUA'S SIDE LIKE HE HAS DONE FOR TWENTY SIX YEARS OF HIS ENTIRE LIFE?

Our home is a little stressed right now.

I am in awe of Breanna's (Joshua's wife) courage. She has no idea what she is teaching me during this difficult time. If I could have even an iota for her patience I could become a saint.

Sarah is growing up.

Too quickly.

Both Kim and I continue to face the possibility of layoffs from our jobs (city and county employed).

There are days that we are immobilized by the thought of not being employed, and then days that we think "WHO CARES - we got bigger things to deal with than this! RE: Joshua"

If someone complains to me at work about some run of the mill flyer or ad I think I will go ballistic. When you are praying for your son to become well and to heal so that he can live a few more good years - a damn flyer is far from important. PRIORITIES PEOPLE!

It's hard to keep the personal daily happenings of my life seperate from my work responsibilities.

I have some awesome friends. Friends that really know how to love me and make me feel supported.

My mom visited. That was AWESOME! I hadn't seen her in over two years. I miss her.

Did I mention I am pregnant?

I mention that because I actually do forget - or assume it isn't real. I feel so sick that I am focused on that instead of the REASON I am sick. Oh yea, I am pregnant.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow - I think I might get to hear the heartbeat. Will that make it real enough?

Holy Crap I am pregnant!

Yes, it comes in waves like that.

Sarah is excited. That's good. I will relish that for now.

I have no baby stuff.

I wasn't gonna have another baby.

I am having another baby.

Joshua, there you are again, in my head, I can't stop thinking of you... I love you and wish I could take away all your pain and worry. But thankfully, we have a glorious God in heaven that does this...

I am in jeans and tennis shoes today... and a sweatshirt cause I am always cold, and I feel like me. I like jeans and tennies. Scratch that, I LOVE jeans and tennies.

I love Kim. I forget to tell him EVERY SINGLE DAY, in a way that he HEARS me. Of course we say it, actually we say it quite a lot. But I want him to HEAR it. I love you babe. Intensely.

Sarah, you are a GREAT LITTLE GIRL WITH INCREDIBLE TALENT AND INTELLIGENCE. I hope you hear that... You amaze me. I want you to know this more than I want you to know that you shouldn't eat with your mouth open, toot on purpose for all to hear, spin incessently in the chair, or play with mommies cell phone. What matters most is that you know that mom and dad love you and that you are INCREDIBLE. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me NOT love you. Granted, there are things you could do that would make me put you in a time out - but that is BECAUSE I love you.

Often times it is easy to let things that are a given to become taken for granted - I think it is important that while we focus a lot on raising Sarah or loving Joshua through a most difficult time, there is not a day that goes by that both Kim and I are not incredibly consumed with thinking about, praying for, loving, being concerned with and just simply missing the daily presence of Jacob and Harmony. Jacob, an incredible big brother that has surpassed what we could ever imagine him to be... and yet he thinks what he is doing is just "normal". It's not normal Jacob. What you are doing is amazing. You are showing a strength we always knew existed, but man - you are putting it on huge display - thank you for taking care of our family and of Joshua. Harmony - to you as well. You are forever daddy's little girl - FOREVER. But you are making it harder and harder for us to not strongly recognize you as an amazing and beautiful young woman. You are an inspiration. The way you love, the way you care, the way you bring harmony to all our lives. We love you beyond measure and never want you to think you are being taken for granted. And Alicia and Brian - lovies - they can't do it without you - you are a team. WE are a team. Thank you for being such integral parts in making us the Mompean clan.

Whoa. Short sentences, Heather.

I am pregnant.

I have to go now. I have to pee.

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